Finding Love Online: A True Story

By Tommy Ferraro

A lot of people are skeptical about finding love, especially when it comes to finding it online. With so many people to choose from and so much dishonesty, it there really any hope?

You can always seek the greener pasture over the next hill, but eventually you will come to the desert. When you look back to reconsider your “green pasture” options, you may find that that land has been already claimed and spoken for. Once you find that person who you’re comfortable with, you can trust and will treat you with respect, dignity and love, STOP LOOKING!

Kaylee and I met online through one of the more prestigious dating sites and started corresponding right away. Emails, texts, instant messaging and phone calls. We sent each other recent photos and found we had many things in common.
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Quieting Your Inner Critic

By Tara Mohr

The inner critic is that chattering voice of fear, worry, and self-critique in your head. It’s the voice worried about what other people are thinking, that argues you are likely embarrass yourself or make a big mistake. It’s the voice proclaims you aren’t qualified to pursue your big dreams.

We can’t ever get rid of the inner critic, but we can get smart about recognizing and managing it. If you do that, you don’t have to walk through life believing what it says and leading your life according to its stories.

The Good News About the Inner Critic

Think of your inner critic as a guard or gatekeeper, attempting to keep you inside the small zone of the status quo. As long as you don’t try to venture out of that zone, the inner critic can leave you alone. But when you approach the gate, when you begin to leave the status quo, you wake the sleeping guard.

In one sense, then, there is always good news when the inner critic shows up: you are approaching real change and movement! The louder and meaner and more hysterical its voice, the closer you are to a breakthrough or important step in your life.

Recognizing the Inner Critic

Here is good news story number two: You don’t have to do all that much with your inner critic. Just recognizing the inner critic goes a long way to reducing its impact.

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What is Dating and Courtship to You?

By Tommy Ferraro

I was interested in exploring today’s definitions of dating and courtship so Googled the concepts to see what I’d find. Amazingly enough today’s definition of courtship was as archaic as the word itself while most indicated that dating was “sin in action.”

I’d like to step away from these fundamentalist and archaic views and bring both terms into the 21st century.

Though many boomers wince at the notion of dating, it is defined as a “necessary evil” in order to find another you have, what I call, the 3Cs with: Communication, Chemistry and Commonalities. Yes, sometimes dating does incorporate sex to which fundamentalist Christians would send you straight to hell, do not pass “go,” do not collect…

But this is a new era in which women are not satisfied with being second-class citizens and treated like chattel by their spouses. Sex has become an important factor in the success of a relationship so needs to be explored before marriage, not a factor for which another divorce is filed. Sex, however, should be discriminatory versus recreational, but this would depend on the nature of how you and “him” have defined your relationship and these days it seems the definitions are endless.

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Sex In the City… Any City

By Kandace Campbell

Ladies and gentlemen, I know that I’ve left you patiently waiting while I continued my quest to find the most intriguing beings walking the face of the earth. Well I’ve found them and I promise that this story is not only tantalizing but ear-worthy. We’ll call this couple, Mr. and Mrs. Gottahaveit.

I met a woman at the Amtrak station in Plattsburgh, NY prior to the New Year. She was about 6 feet or so, athletically built, Julia Roberts red lips with Mick Jagger’s fullness, Shirley Temple’s curls that reached half way down her back, icey blue eyes, high cheek bones; I mean, this woman was a stone cold fox. I had to talk to her. I asked her if she was traveling alone. She informed me that her husband was in the restroom. I totally missed the bolder she had on her left ring finger! It had to be about 26 carats. But I’ve digressed. She and I began a bit of small talk right until she said, “My husband and I take trips every weekend to wherever the money throughout the week allows us to go.”

COME AGAIN? I needed her to elaborate. She explained to me that she and her husband do not work on the weekends. They’ve been married for 15 years and every 1st of the year, to enhance the spice in their bedroom, they create a asexual mission to achieve throughout that entire year. She further explained that during the work week, whatever money they took from the ATM’s for lunch, gas, etc, the remainder is placed into a jar at home at the end of the day. On Friday evening they count what they’ve saved, head over to the Amtrak Station Friday night or Saturday morning and ask the attendant how far they can travel on the funds they’ve saved. Whatever city they arrive in, they either purchase a hotel or take a risk and have sexual excursions in multiple areas of the train station.

I couldn’t believe my ears!

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Men Are Not The Enemy

Usually, we are our own worst enemy. Our experiences prejudice us to our current reality and what we don’t understand, we fear, reject or make fun of.

We have been preconditioned in our thought patterns by our experiences and environments. We get into a pattern of relationships that are familiar and, therefore, comfortable for us, and there we stay, or return, regardless of the fact that the relationship may be unhealthy.

As you examine your current relationship, or lack of one, ask yourself what factors make you stay in a relationship and which ones make you leave. What kind of relationship are you looking for? Not everyone is looking for a monogamous, loving relationship. Some enjoy playing the field, being friends with benefits (FWB), being a cougar or MILF and just having a sexual/party life-style. In those cases, you get what you get. Normally there are no rules and men will “cum” and go from your life. Expect it and don’t be upset by it, for it is the life you chose.

If, however, you are looking for a monogamous, loving relationship and are frustrated that you have been unable to find one or make one last, make a list. I know you’ve heard this before, but making lists helps organize our thinking and most importantly helps us prioritize what is important and what is not. Make three lists.

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How To Tell The Players Without a Score Card

“He’s A Smooth Operator”: Part 1

He’s attractive and there is chemistry… on your side, though he says he feels the same. He can put more than five words together in a sentence and his vocabulary is “smarter than a fifth grader.” He has an outgoing personality and makes you laugh. He is talented, smart, handsome, and everything you “think” you’ve been looking for in a man.

Now come the questions. Your questions. Questions you need to ask to make sure that what you are experiencing is nothing more than a façade.

Is he for real, or full of crapola? A “player,” who’s looking for nothing more than just to bed you as quickly as possible so he can move on to his next conquest, and/or, add you to his “stable” of regulars.
So how do you know? Well, there are red flags that can help you, if you’re smart enough and patient enough to recognize them. Unfortunately, too many women are too eager to rush into what they think is a quality relationship only to find out later that his initial intent was to get laid and nothing more.
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To Trust or Not To Trust

There are two ways of looking at trust. You can trust someone until they prove they can’t be trusted, or you don’t trust someone until they prove they can be trusted.

We’d all like to live in the former, but let’s face it, there are people out there who just can’t be trusted. And in the dating scene, it starts online. Pictures are posted, profiles are crafted all in the attempt to get the opposite gender to take notice and action.
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It’s All About Communication

I’ve been asked many times what makes for a successful relationship. There are many factors involved but let’s start with communication.

First there needs to be a desire to communicate, effectively, openly and honestly; and there are several different kinds of communication depending on the goal. Communication may change over the course of the relationship as well. Whereas, you once communicated well during the courtship, but over time, between comfort levels and becoming sedintary in the relationship, effective communication seems to be a thing of the past. Arguments may become more requent as are misunderstandings. Lack of communication is the biggest factor leading to divorce or the dissolvement of any relationship.
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