Sibling Rivalry

By Tina Todorovich Toler

In a home with more than one child, the shriek of “that’s not fair” is often heard echoing through the halls. As parents, we just want a little bit of piece and quiet and for our children to get along. It doesn’t seem too much to ask. They are, after all, siblings. We want them to be best friends.

When my daughter became a big sister for the first time, and both times following, I had grand dreams of my four children sitting around in their bedroom sharing secrets, laughing, and yes, even talking about me. I knew they needed a comrade to share their feelings with; someone who had been there and experienced the same issues with me. I envisioned a connection between them that was beyond comparison. I suppose I wanted what I never had.

That dream quickly turned into my nightmare. Yes, they do have occasional bonding moments and times when they all get together, laughing and having a great time. But, those moments seldom last long. I cherish them to the fullest when they arrive because I know in a matter of minutes, the moment will be only a wonderful memory in my mind and the peace will be interrupted up with a sharp scream.

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The Speed of Trust

By Dr. Beth Erickson

Bestselling author, Stephen M.R. Covey, wrote a wonderful book called The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything. An M.B.A. and business consultant of worldwide renown, Covey, unapologetically talks about the importance of trust in a business context. He takes on the myths that trust is a soft topic and is too risky and potentially costly for businesses.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. He wrote at length about the multiple costs of low trust in businesses. Speed decreases, taking productivity in the same direction. Thereby, costs increase, as does corporate sabotage. Teamwork to produce high quality products is diminished and is replaced by cooperation to create a negative culture.

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Television as a Babysitter is Not Always Bad

By Tina Todorovich Toler

Before I had children, I always knew I would never use the television as a babysitter. My children were going to be raised by me and I would not lower my standards and stick my child in front of a television so I could have a few moments of time. This was an utterly non-negotiable.

When I mentioned my thoughts to my friends who had children, they looked at me with disbelief. They did not understand how strong my conviction on this subject was. Maybe they had times they felt they needed the time, but I knew I would be different. Popping a child down in front of a children’s show, without sitting with them and discussing it, was along the lines of abuse as far as I was concerned.

My first year or so, I followed this rule. My oldest daughter was a joy and was very easy to care for. She stayed out of trouble, well mostly, and I loved spending the time with her. I did not work so I had time to do my work with her walking behind me chattering away. All was well.

Then, when she was eighteen months, I found myself pregnant with my second child. The pregnancy was nothing like my first. I stayed sick constantly and could not get enough sleep. The first months were torture for me. Emily was awake early, and although she took regular naps, it wasn’t enough rest for me.

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New Surge of Divorces: How Will Your Children Be Affected?

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

Statistics bear it out. Every January the number of couples filing for divorce rises dramatically. And this year, despite the economy, the numbers are still holding up. When you think about it, the reason comes as no surprise. Many couples considering splitting decide to wait until after the holidays to break the news to their children. Others wait to take advantage of year-end job bonuses, if they come, so they’ll have the extra funds to cover attorney, moving and other related expenses.

Regardless, it’s not the why that should be concerning us at this time – it’s the how. How are these couples, if they are parents, going to approach their separation or divorce – and how will it affect their innocent children?
I, too, planned my separation at this time of year more than a decade ago. My son was eleven at the time. We told him a couple of days after Christmas but didn’t make the physical split until February 1st.

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The New Beginnings of a Mother of Four

As the New Year approaches, I am reminded of numerous resolutions made over the years and realized I typically fail to follow through. I now must make a difficult choice – do I make a resolution this year or do I assume I will not follow through on it and not bother making one?

Photographer: Daniel St.Pierre

Thinking back over what my resolutions are, I came to the conclusion that they are selfish and far-fetched. I may resolve to drink less coffee, but I know in my heart I will not do it. There is something satisfying about sipping coffee while writing and no matter how much healthier it would be to give it up, I am not going to set myself up for another failed resolution.

So, do I avoid a resolution all together? I don’t think that is wise either. A new year is a new beginning. It is a fresh start and a great time to take stock in my life and improve myself. This year, my resolutions will not be far-fetched, will not set me up for failure and will not be selfish.

As a parent, I realize the best way to begin the new year is by analyzing my parenting skills and consider the best ways to enjoy my moments with my children.

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All Through the House not a Creature Was Stirring…

Yeah, right! Children make Christmas. Seeing their excited little faces leaves me feeling, well, giddy. They don’t care that the economy isn’t what it used to be or that lives are hectic. All they see is the pretty decorations and the presents.

Songs and Christmas cards give the impression of “silent nights” and “Peace on earth”. The little towns depicted are quaint and quiet. I think all parents long for those peaceful, relaxing moments we see, but kids, although wonderful blessings, do not allow for serene Christmases.

Our presents are sitting out, all wrapped with love. They once were arranged in a delightful display of bright colors; now they are all heaped up in one pile. It looks as if Santa’s elves came in and played havoc, but I know the true culprit isn’t an elf, it is my son!
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How to Overcome Holiday Depression During and After Divorce

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT

The holiday season can bring up painful memories of happier times, especially if you are divorced and have children. But keep in mind that with the pain comes a choice. You can choose to acknowledge the past for what it was. You can value the good times you might have had together. Then you can choose to move on and let go.

If you don’t, you will likely get stuck tormenting yourself with the “shoulds.” We should still be a family today. He should be ashamed of what he’s doing to us. She shouldn’t be able to have the kids on Christmas Day. I should be over this by now. It should be easier for me to move on – but it isn’t. You get the idea.

Use this holiday season as a marker for starting a new mindset for yourself. You are creating a future that will be as positive for you as you allow it to be. Close the door to what was so you can open the door to brighter tomorrows – for yourself and your children. This holiday season and the ones to come can be weeks of great celebration for you if you start planting the seeds in your mind today.
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Divorce & Economy: No Excuse for Irresponsible Parenting

Is our down-turned economy having an effect on divorce in the United States and other nations around the world? While it’s too early for statistical evidence, reports from marriage counselors and divorce attorneys around the globe are in agreement. They’re finding many couples who were ready to call it quits are post- poning the divorce decision due to financial reasons. In the U.S., with housing values at near-record lows, wide-ranging cuts in salaries and a dramatic rise in unemployment rates, many couples are just not divorcing because they are afraid they can’t afford it.

Does this mean couples are finding new ways to get along and reconsider their marriages? In some cases, yes, but for many it just means adapting to continued states of unhappiness and coping with disappointment and frustration. This, of course, does not bear well for the children of these unions. They experience the negative consequences of a distressed marriage whether the couple splits up or chooses to stay together because of economic factors.
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