Encouraging Phrases to Build Confidence

Originally published on 11/03/2007 - 2:26 a.m. GMT

Oh, wouldn’t a world without discouraging words be wonderful! Unfortunately, most parents and bosses tend to feel instead that criticism and pointing out what is wrong will make others want to do what is right.

The truth is that people cannot improve unless they feel good enough about themselves to believe they are capable of improvement. An encouraging parent uses methods, words and actions that indicate a respect for the child and a faith in his abilities instead of negative comments.

Jack Canfield, author of Chicken Soup for the Soul, often cites a study completed by graduate students who followed a group of normal two-year olds around for a day. These typical kids from typical homes received 432 negative statements and only 32 positive statements daily.

The teachers, aides and other children were constantly saying things like “don’t touch that”, “no, it is done this way”, and “no, you are not big enough.” The national Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) found the ratio of praise-to-criticism of school age children is 18 negative to each positive. It is automatic human nature to state things in the negative; we have to learn positive words to use in encouraging our children.

Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children’s assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth. I like to think of the word ”encourage” as “en”courage, or giving the gift of courage.

Inherent in that gift is the idea that it is okay to take risks and perhaps even to fail - the important thing is to go ahead and try it anyway. When we give a child encouragement, we are saying to keep trying, keep up with the progress, and to celebrate the journey, not just the victory.

We need to convey though words and gestures that we appreciate their efforts and improvement, not just their accomplishments. We need to make sure they understand that our love and acceptance is not dependent on their behavior.

Here is a list of 15 encouraging words and phrases that will assist your child to keep trying and increase his self-esteem and confidence.

1. “I like the way you handled that”
2. “Wow, you really thought out the solution to that problem”
3. “I have faith in your ability”
4. “I appreciate what you did”
5. “You are really showing improvement”
6. “I know you will figure out a good way to do it next time”
7. “You don’t have to be perfect. Effort and improvement are important.”
8. “I trust you to be responsible”
9. “It must make you proud of yourself when you accomplish something like that”
10. “You are a valuable part of the team”
11. “It is okay to make a mistake, we all do. What do you think you learned from it?”
12. “How can we turn this into a positive?”
13. “I’m proud of you for trying”
14. “I’ll bet by next year you will be able to handle it, you just need to grow a little”
15. “I know you are disappointed that you didn’t win, but you’ll do better next time.”

About the Author:
Judy H. Wright is a parent educator, author and a popular speaker and writer on family relations.  She is also a personal and oral historian, international speaker and trainer.  The author of over 20 books, she is fortunate to live in beautiful Montana but travels extensively working with organizations to build mutual respect and communication skills. Judy is a member of the Montana Speaker’s Network and the National Association of Women Writers.  You will find free articles and a newsletter at http:www.artichokepress.com and can schedule a workshop by calling 406.549.9813 or emailing judy@artichokepress.com.

© 2008. This article was excerpted with permission from Judy H. Wright at www.artichokepress.com. Permission to reprint is granted by the author. All reprints must state, “Reprinted with permission by Judy H. Wright. Originally published in www.WomensOnlineMagazine.com, November 2007″.

DISCLAIMER: The information and opinions reflected in this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect on the publisher, editor, or editorial staff of Women’s Online Magazine. This article has been written and reviewed by the author. Any errors should be brought to the attention of the author.

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