Healthy Coping Begins With You

It seems like the old saying, when it rains, it pours, has never been more true.  Life in 2009 certainly throws plenty our way.  Healthy coping is defined as an ability to deal effectively with the stressors that life presents.  When you forget to pay the phone bill on time, there’s a last-minute call for cupcakes for your child’s class party, and you realize there’s a giant grease stain on the dress you were going to wear to tomorrow night’s event, your coping skills get called into play.  Your resources are even more taxed when the stressors are greater, such as a death in the family, diagnosis of illness, or a job loss.

Dealing effectively doesn’t necessarily mean getting what you want; it means achieving a workable solution, and having adequate acceptance of and knowledge about a situation to make good decisions.  In order to cope, utilize the following skills and techniques:

Prepare for stressors in advance - by keeping a well-organized calendar, setting requirements for the other people in your life (including children) to keep you informed of events that affect you, and making a concerted effort to build in adequate space and time in your daily schedule, you’ll be able to more easily incorporate the surprises with grace.

Set realistic goals – If your errand list always has 12 items on it, and you routinely only complete six of them, it’s time to reconsider your goals.  Routinely setting goals that exceed your ability to meet them results in disappointment, frustration, anger, and sometimes worse, especially in the job setting.

Learn new skills – You may be great at setting up a spreadsheet, and lousy at getting dinner on the table five nights a week.  Take a cooking class, or get the more talented individuals in your life to take over the task.  Or perhaps you are good at standing up to clients who demand too much, and not so good at standing up to your in-laws.  Take an assertiveness training class.  Almost any problem you have managing your life has an expert who is willing to train you in how to improve your effectiveness.

Work on building supportive relationships – Women are relational, and operate best within a web of support.  If you’ve been neglecting your friendship, give them some immediate attention.  Strengthening relationships now gives you a place to turn later, if you need it.  Besides, you’ll have a lot more fun along the way!

Seek help – Whether it be professional therapy, time with a yoga teacher, membership in a support group, or a return to a spiritual practice, seek help.  The advice and wisdom of others is invaluable in supporting your decision-making process.  Decisions feel better when they’re backed-up with the experience of others.

Maintain an optimistic outlook  - Studies repeatedly show that those who maintain an optimistic outlook have a higher perceived rate of life satisfaction.  Maintaining optimism means keeping your eyes open for opportunities, positive moments, and the hidden benefits of what’s stressing you out.  Whether it’s perception or reality, the bottom line is, you feel better when you stay positive.

Practice acceptance  – Finally, note that acceptance is different from giving up.  Acceptance is understanding the challenges, knowing the downsides, and also knowing that you have done your best by calling on your support system and your internal strength. 

By anticipating challenges, you can be better prepared to handle them.  With these skills in place, you will be able to handle most of life’s stressors with grace, and perhaps a little humor. 

About the Author:
Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. is a health psychologist in West Los Angeles, who specializes in counseling on work/life balance issues, and women’s health issues.  If you have questions for Dr. Gretchen or would like to learn more about her practice, please visit her website at www.drkubacky.com.

© 2009. This article was excerpted with permission from Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. at www.drkubacky.com. Permission to reprint is granted by the author. All reprints must state, “Reprinted with permission by Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D. at www.drkubacky.com. Originally published in www.WomensOnlineMagazineLosAngeles.com, October 30, 2009.

DISCLAIMER: The information and opinions reflected in this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect on the publisher, editor, or editorial staff of Women’s Online Magazine Los Angeles. This article has been written and reviewed by the author. Any errors should be brought to the attention of the author.

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1 Comment So Far.

1. 

   Comment by NoExpertsNeeded on 8 November 2009:

   Job loss…Been there. Done that. Yep, still there. My heart goes out to those still getting ‘pinked’.

   For me, losing my job was one of those defining moments in life. I knew I had a
   choice: I could choose to lose my way (my mind) or rise to the challenge and follow what my Spirit tells me to do, always remembering that I am more than a statistic on the news.

   I’ll share with you what I was told the day I got “set free” (laid off) from my job: “This is a new chapter in your life. WRITE ONE HELL OF A CHAPTER!” And I did just that! You can, too!

   So if you just need a break from the doom and gloom, let me send you the link to a FREE cover-to-cover book download…no strings attached, really!

   Sign up here: noexpertsneeded dot com

   Yes, times are tough, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t still give back to one another. Sharing my story with you is simply my way…

   take care,
   Louise Lewis, author
   No Experts Needed: The Meaning of Life According to You!
   noexpertsneeded dot com

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