Successful Small Talk

Remember back to your first elementary school dance. Girls standing on one side of the gym and guys on the other — nobody having the nerve to talk to one another. Someone needed to break the ice. Fast forward to present day and we still face awkward situations like this. Only now they are at networking events or social settings where we find ourselves among a group of people we do not know. This is where the skill of small talk comes in handy.

Small talk is the ice breaker that provides a starting point for a bond to form. To be successful at small talk, it is important to overcome three basic barriers:

•  Shyness
•  Having something to talk about
•  Initiating a conversation

We all have experienced shyness at some point in our lives – you’re not the only one. One way to overcome this is through active listening. By focusing on what others are saying, you are not worrying about your own discomfort. Keep them engaged through eye contact, asking questions and adding your own personal experiences. This will build a rapport – developing trust and liking – which can lead to people thinking of you positively.

To be a success at small talk, you need to have something to talk about. Most people are not thrown into these situations. They know about them ahead of time and that provides you with the opportunity to prepare. Before going into the event, you should have a list of topics to talk about along with questions to ask. The topics can be as simple as everyday topics (news, sports, weather, current events, culture) to topics relating to the event. You need to be versed on your topics so you will be able to respond. It takes two to have a conversation, so if you cannot respond you’re back to awkward silence.

Now that you can overcome your shyness and have something to talk about, initiating a conversation is as simple as asking a question or making an open-ended comment. Remember that most people love talking, especially about themselves, so you just need to give them a push to get them going. When you come upon people already engaged in a conversation, do not butt in. It’s rude and you do not want to be remembered for making an ill advised comment. Your best approach is to listen, observe and then speak.

Other keys to successful small talk are your posture. Good posture reflects confidence. People are uncomfortable talking with someone who appears nervous or is fidgeting, so keep good posture. Eye contact is also important. Wandering eyes make people think you are not interested in them. Finally, after all this work to start the conversation, you need to be able to exit the conversation gracefully. You do not want to tell people your life story….keep them wanting more.

Successful small talk can influence how others perceive you. People tend to consider good conversationalists as more intelligent and confident than others. This is how you want to be remembered.

About the Author:
Jules Hirst is an etiquette instructor and co-author of The Power of Civility and believes it is never too late to make a lasting impression. She teaches classes for children, teens and adults. She is President of For A Jul Productions, a wedding and event planning company. Learn more at www.Forajulproductions.com. She also is head of Hearts For The City, a non-profit organization teaching etiquette and social skills to underprivileged children, foster children and people re-entering the workforce.

© 2009. This article was excerpted with permission from Jules Hirst. Permission to reprint is granted by the author. All reprints must state, “Reprinted with permission by Jules Hirst from www.For A Jul Productions.com. Originally published in www.WomensOnlineMagazinelosangeles.com,  September 2009.

DISCLAIMER: The information and opinions reflected in this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect on the publisher, editor, or editorial staff of Women’s Online Magazine. This article has been written and reviewed by the author. Any errors should be brought to the attention of the author.

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1 Comment So Far.

1. 

   Comment by LA Girl on 23 September 2009:

   Great advice for the social out cast

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