How to Dance Through Life

Every day we are asked to worry: about money, about our health, about our families.

 Time is running out, the earth’s resources are running out…more and more is being demanded of us.

So how do we survive modern life?  It’s as easy as 123!

When I was young life seemed very simple to me. I had a very normal childhood, with a Dad who worked very hard building his own business, a Mum who worked very hard staying at home running after myself and my brother and Grandparents to spoil us, nurture us and marvel at everything we did. As I grew up I found a boyfriend, left school and got a job and before I knew it I was married with a house and family.

It was only really during my 23rd year that life no longer became simple. A new baby, grief, a marriage problem that couldn’t be solved and really poor health meant that life became very complicated indeed. Now I’m sure if these things had happened one at a time I would have worked my way through them – I am an optimist and had I been stood on the deck of the Titanic as it slowly glided into the deep I am sure I would have noticed that the sun was shining! At the time I told everyone that things were ‘fine’. If anyone asked me how I was: ‘Fine’ I replied. When my Mum voiced her concerns I would reply ‘Everything’s fine Mum, honest’. When I was at work I acted like I was fine. Out with friends I probably even looked fine too!

Ask me how I am today.

I have great health, a happy family, a new marriage and a job that allows me to bound out of bed every single morning – I don’t think ‘Fine’ quite covers it! I allow myself to be human – I don’t get it right all the time, have occasional sense of humour failures and my pizza burning is legendary! However the words that I use often are ‘Fantastic’, ‘Great’ and ‘Lovely’. Not because I over exaggerate…but because that is truly how I feel.

So how is my transformation relevant to everyone reading this?

Well I am sure at some point you have had a worry or two and perhaps several at once. I doubt that I am the only person who has had to deal with a failed marriage. It wasn’t just my marriage that had failed you see, in my eyes it was me too. Guilt is a strange thing and can do weird and wonderful things to what we say and how we act. Guilt has a way of making us score points; convince the world that we are the unlucky one. Are we trying to convince the world that we aren’t to blame – or ourselves?

A health problem can also be quite common, a niggling worry or even something that stops us from going out or doing our job. Here’s another great emotion – anger. I was so angry that I couldn’t do all the things I had done previously. It wasn’t fair that I had to stop my job, because that would mean I had time to think about my circumstances. I was furious at my body for not being able to run at my usual 101%.

Enter another great emotion – fear. Fear of why I couldn’t function and fear of what would happen if life was never the same again. Also fear of what would happen if I felt better – would my ‘fine’ life continue as it had? Fear of continuing, fear of change…to do nothing is also a choice and what if I even got inertia wrong too?

All this was happening in my world, so how about the world in general? Well if we listen to the news or read a paper there are plenty of things to add to fear, guilt and anger there. Are you eating the wrong things? Not exercising enough – how about your children, do they play enough? How green is your car, your house, your office - did you remember to do your bit for the planet today? It looks like the world’s resources are running out and as the world didn’t end at the stroke of midnight in the year 2000 then 2012 is a dead cert!

As you can see it really isn’t any wonder that sometimes we feel a little stressed.

So how can we dance through life? How can we achieve our own bliss and live our lives as fully as we deserve? We can all achieve serenity when sitting at the top of a mountain on a beautiful sunny day, but how do we get this today, in 2009 with a credit crunch, global warming and the school run to do?

Step 1: Stop

When we are stressed or worried life seems to speed up. The list of the things to do gets longer and longer and it seems the pixies steal all of our time. The feeling that everything would be ‘fine’ if we could just work a few extra hours, lose a few extra pounds or find a few extra pennies is hard to ignore and this then adds to our problems.

Stop.

If you stop the world won’t stop spinning, in fact nothing will happen…except that you will be able to hear your heart beating and your breath flowing in and out. Stop a bit more and you will start to notice the sounds around you – birds singing, trees bristling in the wind. Perhaps someone somewhere is laughing or you may pick up the sound of distant music. Stop a little longer and you may notice the earth beneath you, holding you up without you asking, just being there. Now also feel the muscles in your body keeping you upright without so much as a conscious thought – easy isn’t it?

Step 2: Observe

When life throws us a curve ball there is a tendency to want to do something about it instantly. According to magazines we aren’t allowed to have problems – there are 332 books that will show us how not to. We are supposed to be ‘fine’, so we just have to do something, anything, to solve this problem right now, don’t we?

Observe.

If we don’t make a choice, strangely nothing bad happens. If we can continue to stop we actually find something else miraculous happens, we get to think clearly. Observation is a fantastic tool, especially when we imagine we are 100 feet up standing on the top of a tall building, just watching the situation without emotion. Watch as if everything is happening to someone else – we can always find the right advice to give to a friend or even a stranger. Armed with lots of information and no emotion a situation can change completely.

Observing can go on for a while, action doesn’t have to resume after 15 minutes time out. If you observe for a few days or more what usually happens is our perspective changes. The things that we thought were huge turn out not to be, or the person we thought obstructive and critical can actually be trying to help. Even those negative actions can be observed in an unemotional way, so we can even see why that person does what they do or why we react in that way. Observation won’t necessarily solve all our problems; there may still be some things we have to do. Sometimes observation really is all it takes, but if actions are required move to step 3…

Step 3: Choose

Choices when mixed up with guilt, fear and anger are terrible things. If we make one choice we could hurt someone, if we make another we could hurt ourselves. The fear of being unable to make our own choices often ends with a flush of anger – outward or inward. To not make any choice is a choice in itself and will then add frustration to the mix.

Choose.

After being still and observing for a while a new feeling may creep in: Clarity. Clarity allows us to be certain, even if it’s only certain of the things we don’t want to do. From clarity choices happen easily and one easy choice will lead to another. By adding in more moments of stillness and observation we can check in with ourselves and make sure that we are still happy. If something happens that doesn’t quite fit the plan we can check how we feel about this too. If other people question our choices we will be able to explain, because we have had the time to stop and really think about what we are doing.

Once we get used to this system for our own daily choices we can begin to look at the world at large and notice what goes on there too. When you think about sustainability or world hunger stop and ask yourself if there is something you can do about the situation and choose a course of action. If funds are limited then maybe choose to recycle more, or perhaps volunteer to help in some way. Caring for a neighbour or supporting your local shop are all ways of saving the planet. There is no space for guilt or fear because you are very aware of the choices you have made and why.

Now I’m not suggesting that overnight life will turn into a stress free utopia. I’m not trying to convince you that by reading this article perfection will be attained and nothing ‘bad’ will ever happen again.

My journey took years to happen and the realisation of what had occurred longer still. Changes may be subtle at first and it may be someone else that notices first - the partner who buys you flowers without an argument or a child who draws a picture or leaves a note to say how much they love you.

It could be you see a photo that you take today of yourself in a few years time and wonder why there are less wrinkles and more laughter lines residing on your face. When a day goes wrong I guarantee there will be something, however small, that makes you smile. And if one day you’re running late for work, the car won’t start and when you finally get to your desk and that dreaded e-mail drops into your inbox, remember it’s as easy as 123!

© 2009. This article was excerpted with permission from Nicky Marshall. All reprints must state, “Reprinted with permission by Nicky Marshall from www.holisticinsights.co.uk. Originally published in www.WomensOnlineMagazine.com, July 2009”.

About the Author:
Nicky Marshall, is a Psychic, Medium, Tarot reader and Complementary Therapist practicing Reflexology, Indian Head Massage and Reiki. She teaches Reiki and Psychic Awareness courses and practices in Bath and Bristol. For details of her company Holistic Insights’ ‘Love Life!’ events visit www. holisticinsights.co.uk

DISCLAIMER: The information and opinions reflected in this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect on the publisher, editor, or editorial staff of Women’s Online Magazine. This article has been written and reviewed by the author. Any errors should be brought to the attention of the author.

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