The Essence of your Sexual Nature

While each of us is ultimately a unique individual, we each also belong to some types of people. In the theory I have developed out of twenty years of psychotherapeutic practice, there are five basic personality types. We each have all of the types in our make-up, but our individuality is expressed in the relative proportions of each of the types in our make-up.

The test below will reveal the basic essence of your sexual nature. Answer Yes or No to each question; a question mark for any question you find it impossible to decide about.

1. Are you an only or youngest child or separated by more than six years from your nearest sibling?

2. When things go wrong do you tend to feel guilty?

3. Do you quite often feel a failure?

4. Do you have special little rules for organising your daily life - like writing lists of tasks to be done, or always performing certain tasks in a set way at a regular time - that prevent you from becoming anxious?

5. Do you quite often feel life is futile?

6. Were either of your parents Roman Catholic or Jewish (even if ‘unobservant’) or committed worshippers in any other faith?

7. Were you separated from your parents before you were six, for example by being hospitalised or fostered or looked after by a relative while your parents were away?

8. Did either of your parents have ambitions they were prevented from fulfilling through lack of opportunity?

9. Do you quite often feel you would like to get closer to people than you dare to?

10. Do you tend to procrastinate a lot?

11.Were either of your parents quite often concerned about what other people, for example the neighbours, thought of them?

12. Did you go to boarding school?

13. When things go wrong do you tend to feel unappreciated?

14. When things go wrong do you tend to feel embarrassed?

15. Did you have a lot of responsibility - for example in looking after younger brothers or sisters - when you were growing up?

16. Do you tend to be nervously on the go most of the time and yet secretly know that having time on your hands would make you more nervous?

17. Do you quite often feel nobody lets you be yourself?

18. When things go wrong do you tend to feel that you can’t be bothered trying any more?

19. In an emergency or difficult situation, are you usually the one who stays calm and does what has to be done, even if others panic?

20. When things go wrong do you tend to panic and feel you can’t think straight?

21. Did either of your parents need a lot of looking after or special consideration when you were a child, for example, through chronic illness or depression?

22. Are you a perfectionist?

23. Do you quite often feel worthless?

24. Do you compare yourself to other people a lot?

25. Are you generally a very pleasant person who has sudden outbursts of short-lived temper that take others and yourself quite by surprised?

How to Score

In the appropriate types listed below, score one point for each Yes. Score half a point for each question mark. If you score three or more points for any type, this type is a prominent part of your personality. Some people belong clearly to only one type, while others have all five types prominent in their personalities. Most people find they belong to two types.

The Perfectionist 2,4,6,22,23

The Stiff Upper Lipper 9,12,13,15,19,21

The Pleaser 1,11,14,17,25

The Try Harder 3,8,10,18,24

The Hurrier 5,7,12,16,20

(Note: A Yes to question 12 scores one point for the Stiff Upper Lipper and one point for the Hurrier.)

The Perfectionist

You are the most passionately orgasmic of all the sex types. Sex is for you the ’special occasion’ in which you lose control of yourself, which is in marked contast to the rest of your life, in which you tend to be enormously disciplined and self-controlled. In your youth you are likely to polarise sex and love and will be inclined to love some people platonically and have sex with others whom you do not love; but once you find your ideal partner he or she will be the object of your wholehearted commitment. You are deeply monogamous, but you tend to so idealise your partners that when you discover they have feet of clay, you reject them totally with a righteous frigidity as extreme as your passion was once red-hot. A touch of tenderness for the human frailty of yourself and your partner keeps you on the side of the angels.

The Hurrier

You are the most promiscuous of all the sex signs. Although you give the superficial impression of being extremely lusty, you know that you are actually desperately seeking not sex but love. You want timeless, unconditional love that is actually only available to babies at their mothers’ breasts and anything less than this is worthless to you. So you tend to behave vey demandingly to your partners, as if testing the absoluteness of their love for you. Inevitably, you cause many to reject you and thus confirm your deep knowledge that the kind of love you are seeking is not available in the grown-up world. But you keep on trying to get that love through sex. You will only be able to form a contented, lasting and intimate relationship when you accept that conditional (as well as unconditional) love is well worth having, and that all grown-up love has to be earned.

The Pleaser

You are the most flirtatious of all the sex types. Deeply you want emotional security more than sex and value tenderness very highly. You are aware of wanting very much to please your partner, so you are happy to let others take the initiative, which helps assure you that what you are is what the other wants. But their is another part of your sexual nature of which you are often unaware that is resentful of the bindingness of the intimate relationships that give you the security you so crave. So you tend to give out ‘mixed messages’, flirtatiously implying your love for another, but secretly making sure that you can retreat ‘innocently’ if you feel like it. Your life task is to achieve wholeheartedness and deep honesty in your intimate relationships.

The Try Harder

You are the most jealous of all the sex signs. Your self-esteem is low, so you expect that someone ‘better’ than you will seduce your partner away from you. This leads you to seek a clinging ‘togetherness’ in your relationships which, in due course, will tend to drive your partners away from you, thus fulfilling your worst fears. If your partner also has a lot of Try Hard, the relationship is likely to developinto bickering competitiveness, even while you cling together out of your mutual low self-esteem, and you will both tend to become increasingly impotent or frigid, because sexuality is deeply related to our self-esteem.

Your life task is to overcome your inferiority complex by developing your confidence outside your intimate relationships. Only then will you be able to form a lusty sexual relationship based on equality between two autonomously self-confident individuals.

The Stiff Upper Lipper

You are more capable than any of the other sex signs of separating sex from love, and you are very able to enjoy the simple sexual gratification of ‘one night stands’. Indeed, you often prefer these to the risk of pain associated with intimate emotional relationships, and you are likely to break several hearts on your path to emotional maturity. The deep truth about you is that you feel essentially unloveworthy, so you avoid intimacy out of the fear and expectation that if another person ‘really’ knew you, they would reject you. Yet you also long to be loved for what you are. So you tend to be attracted to people who are very needy because you believe you can thereby earn the love of your partners by giving them what they need. Your task is to dare to risk exposing your own neediness, and learn to believe in your own intrinsic loveworthiness.

Mavis Klein

www.milkywaybooks.co.uk

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